memory.

mom: what are you making? (as i am pressing the cookie crust into the sides of a springform pan)

me: cheesecake

mom: for who?

me: my buddy/customer

mom: yeah? what's this, chocolate cake?

me: brownies

mom: is that for someone too? can i eat some?

me: for the cheesecake, it goes into the cheesecake. you don't eat chocolate, mom... (the smell must've enticed her) but yes have some, i wont use all of it.

mom: it goes into the cheesecake? oh, and do you remember that one time you made that one cake that i like? can you make me that cake for tomorrow morning? it's my friend's birthday. 

me: (good thing i remember that one time and that one cake...) ok sure. wait, did you say tomorrow? (glancing over to oven clock. 8:34pm. on a school night.) well, i guess i can try. 

mom: thanks! (walks away)

me: ... (still confused as to why my mom is so good at that... it's rare when she doesn't get her way. why didn't i get that gene?)

needless to say, i made TWO cakes last night.

it is quite strange how memory works. for some, no memory can be recalled for the life of them and for others memory is filled to the brim, spilling out almost all the time. is it due to suppression or living completely in the present while others hold on so tightly to the past? no matter, the transmission between the five senses, brain and memory never seizes to amaze me. it's a chain reaction and mine is quite good at returning my stored memory into the forefront of my mind. (although as i rack up the years in this lifetime, that return rate is struggling a bit..) 

take this cheesecake for example.  i've made it once, maybe twice but quite some time ago. i remember running across Smitten Kitchen's post and i could not get it out of my mind. it just sounded decadent. there are alot of recipes i screen and catalogue for some special occasion that never seems to present itself. then one day i was menu planning for our annual family of friends' thanksgiving dinner. there were two birthdays approaching and i made sure that the celebrants' favorites were woven into the menu. for one, it was chicken fried steak plus fixin's (we obviously don't adhere to tradition). and for the other, i focused on his sweet tooth. i knew his favorite dessert was cheesecake and set out to inquire about his ideal. this was the response i got: 'oh man, if there was such a thing as cheesecake with a brownie crust, or brownie with cheesecake on top, just somehow brownie and cheesecake in one bite.' and before he finished that sentence, a billboard flashed Deb's BROWNIE MOSAIC CHEESECAKE brightly across my mind.

what exactly is a brownie mosaic cheesecake, you ask? let me take you on a visual journey. it is much more enticing that way.

start with the brownies.

cube them.

make the chocolate cookie crust...

make cheesecake filling and yes, the brownies go in, whole.

bake.

and give it the chocolate. ganache. treatment.

tadaaah!

so when said friend called to tell me he had read my inaugural cake post and wanted to support my endeavor, he simply said, "i want my cheesecake. mail it to me." and like that instance with my mom, i knew exactly what he was talking about. oh, the things that trigger our memories. it's good to know that  in some small way, i made an impression (i know, it's just cake..) and whatever triggers it, whatever emotion it evokes, it was embedded in their memory.

for the recipe, go here.

sealed with love for its travel to the bay area!

  

12.6 miles

is the total distance of our Mt. Wilson loop. with a 4200 ft. elevation gain. it really felt like 26 miles. i'm just trying to be honest here, the mountain felt like it was growing taller with every step i took... said hike totally kicked my ass, or rather just took out my legs. whole. i came home, i showered, i put on the most comfy pjs i own, i rolled into bed (with my wet hair still wrapped in the towel) and i surrendered. i was completely and utterly out of commission for the rest of my Sunday. i dont feel tired, if i can walk on my hands i would, because my legs are rendered useless. totally jello. i have been literally stuck on this bed since 7:48pm. yesterday.

you see, some time in March i felt bold, felt the need to prove things to myself and accepted a challenge an invitation to summit Mt. Whitney... oh, you know, only the tallest mountain in the lower 48 states, peaking at a looming 14,505 ft., 22 miles RT, failure rates calculated at 2 out of 3 people... but this never-gone-camping in her life, (wannabe) ballet dancing, yoga obsessed-crazy girl said, "ok, i accept! let's do it!" i love hiking but usually 3 miles, 5 miles, 7 miles, 9 miles. aint no thang.  this is a challenge, probably driven by my natural quiet competitiveness, the want to explore the edge of my comfort zone and maybe even surprise myself?  Mt. Wilson did not scare me, i still am hopeful that i have both the mental and physical strength to summit!

this was the first of our training hikes. let's repeat those stats: 12.6 miles, 4200 ft. elevation gain, summit at 5710 ft. atop Mt. Wilson.  you can follow along the trail here. my little cousins, J and C, are my hiking companions for this impending Mt. Whitney trip along with 3 of J's friends who are all Fire academy medics. (talk about a comforting thought on a trip of this caliber). i am the eldest of the bunch, not to mention the only female. (talk about pressure!)

all smiles about 2 miles in.

hazy early morning start.

a beautiful canopy

starting off, we jibber jabbered along as we trekked through Chantry Flats, enjoying the beauty that surrounds us.  i particularly enjoyed the rustling of cool water in the creek and seeing the 50 ft. Sturtevant Falls from the top.  it did not take long for us to realize that this was a very difficult hike. what it lacked in elevation, it made up in GRUELING. NEVER. ENDING. STEEP. INCLINES. i felt like i was doing a billion lunges. we've been slowly increasing our pack weights as we trekked along the shorter hikes and today's was my heaviest, weighing in at 18 whopping LBs. so that was an added challenge. we learned quick that we needed to put pride aside. yes, we want to summit. yes, we made a commitment. but we do not want all that machismo to mask the signs of heat exhaustion or worse altitude sickness (AMS). the last thing we want to do is be stuck in the middle of the woods, having to figure out how to haul a 140 lb man and his pack down the mountain. we had set simple rules for ourselves:

1. no need to be macho here, we're all human. put your pride aside. if you need a break, say it. if you need help, ask for it. you know your body best. you are responsible for recognizing your own body's scream for help.  
2. stay fueled up. drink water before you're thirsty. dehydration is no joke. snack if you need it, have a full meal even!
3. answer when you are called out to. it is very disheartening to call out to someone and have no response, especially when you feel YOUR legs trembling terribly and just want to make sure everyone else is A-OKAY.. (misery does love company)
4. continue to motivate one another. push one another, sometimes literally. it is seriously ALL mental. the pain is very physical but PAIN IS ONLY TEMPORARY.

Mt. Wilson observatory.

seriously? only halfway!?

lunch.

relatively simple, right? well it got us through. we made it to the observatory and ate lunch sitting above the clouds while simultaneously looking down on the San Gabriel Valley. the descend was personally much tougher for me, specifically my knees and ankles. i would stop and stretch and literally watch my leg muscles quiver. we threw in some light trail running to make use of gravity on the way down. i am proud that never once did i curse myself for taking this challenge. but i did have some rather random thoughts probably bc it was much more silent. i knew mentally i was breaking down when my thoughts went a little something like this around mile 10 or so: "ooo lichen. the bestie just mentioned to me that lichen grows on sloths bc they move so slowly.. i wonder in observing their surroundings, do sloths think to themselves 'wow that bird/insect/zipliner moves amazingly fast' or do they live woefully wondering what they did in their past life to be so unfortunately slow?" you get my point. random.

orchid x lily hybrid?

gorgeous views.

my rafiki sick.

the lesson learned today? thank goodness for training hikes. so many things to improve on, to prep for, weaknesses to iron out, strengths surfaced and driven in. one down, five to go before the real deal. i'm keeping my eyes on the prize: toned hiker legs and awesome dirt tans hahaha. jk. its definitely all about the (mental/physical) journey and not the destination. if i dont make it, i dont make it. but i will try damnit. like the Chinese Philospher Lao Tzu said, "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." and we've started ours: Mt. Wilson. Check!

for those of you planning to enjoy the great outdoors this summer, i highly recommend the EVERYTRAIL website. i had downloaded the app on my iphone and the map/GPS tracker really helped to keep us from straying off course.  i also love reading the detailed posts of MODERN HIKER for local hikes. both sites put me at ease about what to expect even though the trails seem ever-changing. enjoy yourself a taste of feeling far and remote from the cityscape and be safe out there!

the inaugural cake.

today is a milestone of sorts. today is a sign of things to come. today is a blessing, and certainly not the kind that's in disguise.

the past couple years have flown by, like a bunch of tornadoes quickly sweeping through, stirring everything i thought was in its place and strewn it disparagingly across the landscape that remains loosely intact. life as i knew it changed quite dramatically (for slow and steady, hands-always-on-the-steering-wheel me anyway). i learned alot about myself during those times. about my patience and my strength. about forgiveness and love. about inner peace and confidence, or lack there of. i also learned about my passions, what truly moved me and pulled at my heartstrings and equally as important, what didn't carry as much weight to me. i owned up to a lot of demons and faced many of my fears. i learned that being human is all about living, making mistakes, learning to laugh at yourself, letting yourself cry, moving on, letting go and continuing to dream/smile/learn/love despite the trials. but best of all, i learned that life goes on and that happy is a state of mind. there is always light at the end and there is always room for growth.

so back to today. it has been an unbelievable journey for me, but today is a step towards the future. my future. a light stroke of the brush across the vast starchy white canvas that i speak of. for those of you that follow me on facebook or instagram (and if not, add me!), you know that food is a large part of my life. a small seed of a dream was planted in my head somewhere between college and now. the dream sprouted from an unintentional discovery of my love for the kitchen: cooking, baking, serveware, gadgets, cookbooks, even the science behind it all. i think most of this passion came from the huge sense of community it brings to my family and friends, the happiness that permeates the room when we convene for family dinners, the realization that homecooked meals are simply heartwarming and well, the continuing amazement that these two hands made it happen. i did that. it is one of the ways to repay the gratitude i have for the unconditional love and support of my loved ones. because without them, today will not happen. BUT today that small seedling of a dream pushed itself out from the depths of soil through the surface and got a glimpse of the sun:

i had a request. i baked love into a cake. i put it in a simple white box. i delivered it. and there was an exchange...

it may seem like a tiny step, but it is a step nonetheless. it is a step towards an accidental dream, but those are the best kinds, aren't they? the ones you never expected. right now, it's still in its early stages, call it a seedling, a soft opening, whatever it is, whatever this will become, it is coming and i'm going let it organically grow. 

so to my life that seems to keep on going even if my legs cant catch up, i say bring it. thank you for paving the way white chocolate buttermilk cake. you are my inaugural cake. 

you are my absolute favorite cake to eat and make. you are tender crumbed and complex without being pretentious. you somehow manage to look homemade yet exude delicacy with your pillowy creme fraiche-whipped cream filling and fresh summer berries.  it is so fitting that you lead the way. yearn for the skies! onward, ho! 

ps. for those who are interested with requests of your own. please contact me here for pricing and other information.

new book, new chapter.

introduction. my name is Ann. welcome. this blog is a toast to life and love, in every sense of those words. it is here to chronicle my adventures as i explore this new blank canvas i have to paint over. come along with me on this journey: indulge with me, encourage me, cry with me, laugh with me, get your hands dirty with me, live with me, love with me. i live a very ordinary life but i'd like to think i live it in extraordinary ways. cheers to you for stopping in! thank you and i hope to leave more bits and pieces for you to follow along.